Dear parents of adult children in Israel:
I would like to express some concerns to you about how some of us are reacting to our children being in Israel. My daughter is also in Israel, having finished a post-high school gap-year program, so I am in the same boat with you.
I know we have a lot of concerns about our children being in a war zone. Those concerns are completely reasonable and warranted. The country is in an active war. Enemies who want to kill Jews and destroy Israel are launching devastating missiles at Israel and some of them are getting through Israel’s defenses. It is a scary situation, especially to Americans who are not accustomed to being in militarized situations.
For some of us, our children went to Israel expecting to stay for a short time. Others came for longer programs, for a few months or the whole year. In any case, Israel was in a state of war when they arrived in Israel and it shouldn’t be a complete shock that there is some disruption to their travel plans because of the war. Nonetheless, we are where we are, and we have reason to be upset if they can’t leave Israel right now.
However, it is important to understand a few critical aspects that might influence how we respond to this situation.
1. Our children are likely not in extreme danger. Relatively few people have been seriously injured or killed if they were in shelters. As long as our children have access to shelters and are following the sheltering directives of the government, they are very unlikely to be hurt. If they are in Jerusalem, they are even less likely to be hurt. And, based on the many miracles we have seen in the past few weeks, it is clear that Hashem is protecting Jews in Israel.
2. Israelis can’t leave. In fact, they don’t want to, and Israelis all over the world are trying to get back to Israel. Given that, saying that we want our adult children to be “safe” from the attacks Israel is enduring is somewhat of a slap in the face to the people who are doing the work, 24/7, year-round, to secure and protect our land for us by living in Israel. Yes, our children have their scheduled lives to live in their homes in the Diaspora. But while they are in Israel, we should respect those who live on the frontlines by allowing our children to endure the limited danger they are exposed to by being alongside them.
3. By demanding that our children be helped to leave, we are burdening an army and a government that is stretched to its limits. Demanding that they protect our children’s exits with army and navy escorts is an unfair burden. Lobbying our governments to pressure Israel to let Diaspora Jews leave, forcing them to protect them, is unfair and counterproductive. If we are lobbying our governments for anything, it should be for military support for defeating our enemies, not for “rescue” missions.
4. When our children “gamble” by taking an unsafe route out of Israel, through Jordan or Egypt or even by boat to Cyprus they are gambling with the IDF’s money and the Israeli government’s money. That’s because, if they get into trouble, traveling in a country that is still an enemy to the Jewish people (which is most countries, unfortunately), or being exposed to enemy fire at sea, it is the IDF and the Israeli government that will have to rescue them. So, just because you are willing to take a chance to get back to your children back to their Diaspora home, you are really putting the burden of the risk on others.
5. The optics of Diaspora Jews panicking and begging to leave Israel is a chillul Hashem (desecration of God’s name). Diaspora Jews need to be messaging—to Israelis and to the world—that we are united behind Israel and we will stay and endure whatever risk there is alongside our brothers and sisters. We have an opportunity to show the world how much we love Israel and support the Israeli people—or to show them how much we don’t. Israel is risking a huge amount to save the Jews, the Middle East and the world from a tyrannical regime that is a threat to everyone’s security. We can do our part by letting our adult children stay in Israel through this part of the war. We might even ask them to volunteer while they are there, to help families in need.
I told my daughter to stop checking El Al and stop reading the notes about different rescue mission plans. When it is safe for everyone to fly in and out of Israel, she can get on a plane and come back to America.
Until then, she should focus on keeping her spirits up, keeping herself occupied with productive activities and continue to live her life as much as possible, within the bounds of following the safety rules. Since I “freed” her from the anxiety of trying to get back to America, she has been much happier and at peace with her situation.
I am sorry for all of us that our children are more in harm’s way than they usually are. But I am even more sorry that Israelis have been enduring this for weeks, for more than 20 months since Oct. 7, 2023, and really for many decades, probably as long as they have lived in Israel.
Our children have a chance to give back to the heroes who are securing our homeland and we should encourage them to take full advantage of that opportunity.
Sincerely,
A parent of an adult child blessed to be in our Holy Land in a time of need