The last week has been a roller coaster for Sam Frishman of the Detroit suburb of Huntington Woods, Mich. His bar mitzvah this weekend was supposed to be at Temple Israel, the large Reform congregation in nearby West Bloomfield that his family calls home. But like other milestone events, educational and social functions, his has been displaced after Ayman Mohamad Ghazali, 41, a U.S. citizen born in Lebanon, rammed his Ford F-150 pickup truck into the building on March 12.
He is so relieved that area synagogues and other venues have opened their doors to families like his, who have been eagerly anticipating and preparing for these celebrations.
He will be joined by Temple Israel clergy, as well as family and friends from near and far, says Sam, who turns 13 on Friday, the day before he is called to read Torah to that audience. “I think I’m just going to think of it as my normal Temple Israel,” Frishman says of his bar mitzvah, which will be among the second set to take place since last week’s attack. “It means not thinking of what’s around it, just thinking what’s in it.”
He’s determined to look ahead, to give his speech and to talk about his mitzvah project. “I want people to know that this is a true gift, to be bar and bat mitzvahed,” he says. “It’s a gift in general to transition into Jewish adulthood, and I want people to see it as a regular bar or bat mitzvah and just to have fun.”
Temple Israel is very important to their family, says the teen’s father, Michael Frishman. His wife Julie’s bat mitzvah was there, the couple was married there, and his daughter’s bat mitzvah was held there as well. Still, he counts himself lucky to have been able to find another congregation to host his son’s service and says he feels appreciative of the supportive community around them.
“I want Sam to know that he is the No. 1 most important thing here right now because of all of his hard work and studying that he’s done, and we weren’t going to let anything stop us from celebrating,” he says. “We’re going to do it in the most special way that we can, and yes, it won’t be the way that we wanted it to be or where we wanted it to be, but it’ll still be very special for him.”
And, he says, he knows that Sam “will be a great, outstanding member of the Jewish religion.”
‘Jewish life in Detroit was open’
There was never a question whether celebrations like bar and bat mitzvahs were going to continue, says Rabbi Marla Hornsten at Temple Israel, despite the incident that had teachers and more than 100 children evacuate the building amid the havoc.
“We knew we were going to find a way to make it happen, and we were really grateful that everything worked out so smoothly,” she says. “The community has opened their hearts and their buildings to us. And the families have been super-flexible; they understand that this is not a normal time, so we are working within whatever constraints there are to make it happen. But I think the message is you go with the good, that we’re going to continue moving forward.”
That’s not to say people aren’t nervous or even afraid, she says, but they are continuing on ahead with purpose. “It hit home, literally. It’s not just something you see on the news. It happened to us,” says Hornsten, who has worked at the synagogue since the summer of 2000. “But there’s moving forward and there’s celebrating, and that’s what we do as Jews.”
It’s important to keep participating in Jewish life, says Michael Masters, national director and CEO for Secure Community Network, which liaises with law enforcement and other organizations to provide best practices for Jewish communal security.
“The goal of these individuals and groups is to frighten us into submission,” he says. “I believe that empowerment beats fear, and what we saw last Thursday was an empowered, resilient, coordinated community. And in the midst of that attack, the next day, Jewish life in Detroit was open.”
Kimie Saperstein of Commerce Township, another Detroit suburb, says her son Henry, who will turn 13 on Saturday, had been holding out hope when the attack happened that the sanctuary wasn’t damaged and that he’d still be able to have his bar mitzvah at Temple Israel, where she and his father Andrew Saperstein grew up, and had their bat and bar mitzvahs. Henry attended the early-childhood center and still attends Monday-night school at Temple Israel. He had really been looking forward to having his bar mitzvah on that bimah, says his mother.
Clergy members reached out first thing that Friday to check on the family, she says, and to assure them the bar mitzvah was still going to take place. By Saturday morning, despite everything else going on, they called back to confirm plans at a new location.
Henry was crushed at first, says his Saperstein, but then heartened by the rabbis’ messages at last Friday-night’s service, which was held at nearby Shenandoah Country Club and streamed online, that Temple Israel isn’t defined by a building. “It’s the community, it’s the people, and he’s still going to be surrounded by the same rabbis and the cantor,” says Saperstein. “He’s going to be surrounded by all of our family and friends. And the fact that the Torahs were saved—he’s still going to be reading from the same Torah from Temple Israel.”
They had their rehearsal at the new congregation, she says, and they’re going to make the best of having to change locations. “I think the community here is very special and that Jewish people as a whole are very resilient, and we have to rise above different situations,” she says. “This community has really come together. We’re strong, and we’re not going to hide our Jewish identity. The only way to get through this is with love, with continuing to be Jewish and living by our Jewish values.”
‘For generations, this is our response’
Sydney Cox had practiced for her bat mitzvah in the sanctuary at Temple Israel just two days before the attack. In its aftermath, her service last week moved to her family’s country club.
“It’s hard thinking that somebody would do that to where I was supposed to have my bat mitzvah and where I was supposed to become a woman,” she says, adding that she is looking forward to having more responsibility in Jewish life as an official adult, according to tradition.
Although finding out what happened was scary because she’d grown up at Temple Israel, she didn’t want to let a bad thing take away from joy and celebration. The 12-year-old says she was proud of such an accomplishment amid “sadness, and of being strong for our community.”
The most important thing is that everybody was safe, and that they could celebrate together, states her mother, Lindsay Cox. “It felt so bittersweet,” she says. They stood on a makeshift bimah with their friends and family from near and far close by. “To see everyone we love and who loves us surround us was overwhelming, to say the least.”
She notes the joy a day after heartbreak.
Rabbi Josh Bennett, who was there beside Sydney for her bat mitzvah, says the community turned to friends and neighbors to put plans in place for the essentials, like worship and simchas. “This is who the Jewish people is. For generations, this is our response,” he says, adding that he wants to express gratitude for the people who helped ensure Temple Israel’s safety. “We are resilient, we are strong. We will not be deterred by this kind of violence. We will worship, we will gather, and we will have a future, despite what the terrorist wanted.”
Miles Dolgin’s bar mitzvah this past weekend was a chance for everyone there to heal together, says Talia Dolgin, also of Huntington Woods. The early-childhood center at the site of last Thursday’s attack is named for her parents, Rabbi Harold and Susan Loss. Her father has served the community as a Temple Israel rabbi since 1971.
Watching the news unfold was difficult, says Dolgin, but the community’s response showcases its strength. “We’re switching from hate to celebration, and we’re showing our Jewish pride in being together,” she says.
Temple Israel’s Torah scrolls were all brought to safety, and the congregation will certainly rebuild stronger, says Steve Ingber, CEO of the Jewish Federation of Metropolitan Detroit. “We will continue to live proud Jewish lives. None of that should change because of this.”
This is a time to join together and be together, he says, adding that partner agencies have come forward to help. Federation will continue its work with private security, local officials, county and state officials, and federal officials as needed. In fact, it announced an additional $1 million to expand security personnel and resources at houses of worship, schools, camps and other communal institutions.
As for Metro Detroit’s close-knit community, with so many families who have been there for generations, Ingber says: “We will continue to live our lives peacefully, and continue to practice our religion and be proud of our religion.”
