I wrote last week about the most famous biblical commandment: “love thy neighbor.” We shared commentary by Nachmanides (the Rambam) on how we mustn’t harbor hate in our hearts but rather confront the person who we believe wronged us. That way, we will be able to keep the peace between us and ultimately be able to fulfill the commandment to love thy neighbor.
The problem is that not everyone enjoys being confrontational. I don’t have any statistics, but I would imagine that most people tend to shy away from confrontation. The average person has neither the desire nor the gumption for a fight. That’s why we usually turn a blind eye to an affront and overlook it, or say that we’ve forgiven the other person or that it’s not important, and drop it from our agenda. It’s easier and less stressful to just “forget about it.”
But if we truly loved the other person, we wouldn’t just walk away. We would address the issue at hand so this person doesn’t make it onto our “enemies list.” Furthermore, if we cared about that individual, we would actively seek their betterment. We would show them where they erred, so it might help them improve their conduct and character to become better human beings.
Starting at nightfall on May 15 and continuing through the following day is Lag B’Omer, the 33rd day of the omer, which is the counting of 49 days between Passover and Shavuot. It is a festive day in an otherwise mournful period. The legendary Talmudic sage Rabbi Akiva had 24,000 students, but a terrible plague took their lives with a few notable exceptions. On Lag B’Omer, the plague ceased, hence the celebrations on that day.
The Talmud says that the plague occurred because the students “did not conduct themselves with respect toward one another.” But this raises a serious question. Of all people, surely, it was the students of Rabbi Akiva who should have exemplified brotherly love and healthy relationships. After all, it was their very own teacher—Rabbi Akiva himself—who taught those immortal words about the mitzvah to love thy neighbor, saying: “This is the great principle of the Torah.” So, how could his students be so unknowledgeable about such a core Torah teaching?
In a brilliant and rather original approach, the Lubavitcher Rebbe—Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson—explains that the students’ “disrespect” actually stemmed from their love for their colleagues. Its origin was from a place of concern for their friends and fellow students.
Seeing as we are taught that “there are 70 faces (interpretations) to the Torah,” each of Rabbi Akiva’s students interpreted his teachings from their singular perspective. Because their friends did the same, they each saw it differently. And precisely because they loved one another, they tried to convince their colleagues of the error in their thinking and bring them onto what they considered to be the “right track.”
Sadly, though, as they each had the same concern for their fellow and each one was convinced that his understanding of their teacher’s lesson was correct, there were unhealthy disagreements and disrespect. While that was unfortunate, it did come from a good place. You see, if you really love someone, you will try to get them to see the authentic truth as you see that truth.
It applies in many areas of life. The old American safe-driving slogan “Friends don’t let friends drive drunk” was simple, but clever. If you are truly a friend, you will not allow another to kill himself or others by driving under the influence. A friend will take away the keys. Give him a lift, call an Uber, let him spend the night and sleep it off.
People are often told to “mind your own business.” But there are times when we must make something our business; otherwise, innocent lives may be lost. When it’s a matter of life and death, minding our own business is hazardous. It’s not only indifferent, it’s insensitive and uncaring—and downright dangerous.
Sure, most people don’t want or choose to get involved. They say, “I don’t need this in my life!” But if they really care, they get involved.
It is general practice that if we see someone standing on a bridge or top of a building and threatening to jump, we try to stop them in any way we can. Not only firemen and emergency workers, but total strangers and passers-by will do their level best to coax the person down to safety.
Yes, people have the “democratic right” to do with themselves as they please. But, thankfully, humanity still has some values left, and we generally do our very best to save a life, even if it is a troubled one. (Some say especially if it is a troubled one.)
It may be none of our business, but if we care, we will make it our business. While it’s usually much easier to mind our own business, very often, true love demands we get involved.
