I’ve been waiting all year for Tu B’Av to arrive. Like a hapless romantic who refuses to believe that life is now summed up by tragedy and discord, I’ve refused to give up on the calendar’s one, exquisitely timed homage to love.
The 15th of Av arrives six days after Tisha B’Av, like a gentle antidote to our grief, reminding us that love, despite all that we have just mourned and lost, is always possible, always triumphant.
The ancient rabbis believed that Tu B’Av had powerful lessons to teach us, so powerful that Rabban Shimon ben Gamliel (first century C.E.) likened this minor holiday to Judaism’s holiest day of the year: “There were no days as happy for the Jewish people as the fifteenth of Av and as Yom Kippur.” For the generations that flourished before the Roman occupation of Jerusalem, Tu B’Av was a day set apart to celebrate the beauty of romance, purity and love.
Still, it seems like an odd observation for Gamliel to make about such a minor holiday. Could it be that the sages were trying to expand our understanding of Tu B’Av and the importance of love?
The centuries in which the Ta’anim and Amor’im sages lived (first to sixth century C.E.) were marked by ongoing upheaval and political strife, both in Judea and later in Babylonia. (Rav Shimon ben Gamliel himself lost his life during the siege of Jerusalem in 70 C.E. and is among the 10 martyrs we mourn at Tisha B’Av).
Then, like now, the Jewish people were often fraught with division and war. So it’s no surprise to me that the sages go to great lengths to try to tie this holiday of love to historical events that seem to have little to do with romance and everything to do with another kind of love: the love that is fostered by a united and caring Jewish nation.
Each of the stories that the sages introduce in Mishna Ta’anit 30b has similar messages about the value of love, redemption and change. God’s mercy toward the daughters of Zelophehad, who risk losing their inheritance of land if they are forced to intermarry outside of their tribe, in Rav Shmuel’s perspective, sets the stage for a more cohesive nation. So does the compassion that is shown to a new generation of the tribe of Benjamin when it seeks forgiveness from the rest of the nation for the disastrous Gibeah incident. We’re urged to remember that war has the potential to transform and divide a people, and it’s only through reconciliation that we can find unity.
Tu B’Av reminds us that love, despite all that we have just mourned and lost, is always possible, always triumphant.
Romance does receive its recognition in this Mishna, however. But again, compassion seems to be at the fore of the discussion. The rabbis take a moment to reacquaint us with the sweet traditions that were lost with the destruction of the First and Second Temples: “[The] daughters of Jerusalem would go out in white clothes, and on the fifteenth of Av they would go to the vineyards and dance [and await suitors].”
The sages go on to explain the intricacies of this yearly dance: “The daughter of the king borrows white garments from the daughter of the High Priest; the daughter of the High Priest borrows from the daughter of the deputy High Priest; the daughter of the deputy High Priest borrows from the daughter of the priest anointed for war, i.e., the priest who would read verses of Torah and address the army as they prepared for battle; the daughter of the priest anointed for war borrows from the daughter of a common priest; and all the Jewish people borrow from each other. Why would they all borrow garments? They did this so as not to embarrass one who did not have her own white garments.”
Sadly, these early traditions disappeared following the destruction of the Second Temple until around the birth of the modern-day State of Israel in 1948.
Today, Tu B’Av is widely recognized in Israel, where it’s celebrated as a holiday to honor love and romance. While the holiday has gained some attention in North America in recent years as a “Jewish Valentine’s Day,” it’s largely forgotten from North American calendars.
Still, the rabbis’ enduring messages of the power of love, compassion and forgiveness, especially in times of war and discord, live on. And right now, that is a message we could all heed.
