They tell the story of a matchmaker who was struggling to find a girl beautiful enough for a very stubborn and selective young man. No one seemed good enough for him.
Until one day, she came to the fellow saying, “I finally found the perfect match for you! She is beautiful, educated, cultured, kind, funny and from a wonderful family, too. Perfection personified!”
“There’s only one small problem. One day a year—but literally only one day in the whole year—she becomes a little weird. She goes a bit meshugah. But the very next day, she’s back to herself and 100% normal.”
“Hmm … well, if it’s only one day a year, I guess I could handle that. So, when can I meet her?” asks the young man.
“Not so fast,” says the matchmaker. “I have to wait for that one day in the year so that she should be crazy enough to want to meet you!”
Some of us are too demanding, too judgmental and too particular when looking at others.
This week’s Torah reading, Naso, enumerates the offerings brought by the princes of the 12 tribes of Israel at the time of the dedication of the altar. Strangely, their offerings were all identical, and yet, the Torah catalogues each of them verbatim, in all their detail. It is so repetitious, which is completely uncharacteristic of the Torah.
Usually, there isn’t a single word or even letter that is repeated unnecessarily; the Torah is cryptic and concise. In fact, when you listen to these readings, it seems rather monotonous. Why would the offerings of the princes be repeated here over and over again?
One answer given by the commentaries is that although physically and outwardly all of the princes contributed the very same items, their inner intentions and kavanah were unique to each individual prince. No two princes had the same thoughts when bringing their offerings. The feelings of their hearts, spiritual intent, feelings of thanksgiving, sanctity and their mental mindsets were all very different. No two were identical.
Maimonides, the great Rambam, put on tefillin every morning. So do I. But while externally our tefillin may be identical, the Rambam’s kavanah was undoubtedly on a far superior level to mine. How could I even begin to compare myself to the illustrious sage’s spirituality?
Too many generalize too often and too quickly. It always bothers me that people often look at those who are different from them and lump them all into the same mold. That said, too many people lump all Jews into the same basket.
It even goes within the religion. Too many Diaspora Jews think all Israelis are pushy and full of chutzpah. Perhaps. Maybe that’s how they survive in such a bad neighborhood. But the more you get to know them, you will see that no two are identical. And many are soft, gentle, and unassertive. They are as different from one another as we all are.
Or, for that matter, fellow Jews who look at the religious among us and think we’re all carbon copies of the next. “All these rabbis have black hats, beards and glasses. They’re all the same.”
No, we’re not! I may wear a hat, but I am an individual, not at all the same as my colleagues and rabbinic friends. Each of us has our own personality and character. I am inimitable. So is he. Just like everyone else.
Long ago, Pirkei Avot (“The Ethics of the Fathers”) taught: “Do not look at the bottle but at what’s inside.” It’s the contents that matter, not the container.
Don’t judge a book by its cover. Don’t jump to conclusions. Don’t rush to be so judgmental and critical before you meet someone and have a chance to get to know them. Of course, we should never be judgmental, but especially if we are basing it on completely superficial observations.
It’s not only in court that everyone is innocent until proven guilty. It should be that way in life as well. We shouldn’t cast every individual in a group and deem them as one. The Talmud states that “just as no two faces are identical, so are no two mindsets the same.”
The story of the princes’ offerings reminds us to appreciate individuality and not to appraise a person by appearance alone. Worth is not determined by external facades, but by inner personality, character and morals. Beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder.
See the uniqueness in every individual, and the world will be a better place for all of us.
