When Shahar Unterslak married an Israel Defense Forces veteran, she did not initially understand the anxiety attacks that were disrupting their young marriage. Only later did she learn that her husband had been living with post-traumatic stress disorder since Operation Protective Edge in 2014.
Her story was one of many shared on Sunday at a Jerusalem conference examining how Israel’s prolonged wartime reality is reshaping marriage, dating and family life.
As Israel’s war passes the 1,000-day mark, transforming daily life across the country, English-speaking bridal teachers, educators, therapists, rabbis and community leaders gathered to confront a question many young couples are quietly asking: How do marriages survive prolonged uncertainty, repeated reserve duty and trauma?
The conference, titled “Navigating Today’s Realities,” was held at the Nefesh B’Nefesh Jerusalem Campus at Cinema City and organized by the Eden Center in partnership with Nefesh B’Nefesh. The event brought together nearly 200 participants, both in person and online, for discussions on relationships, mental health and Jewish family life.
While not a mental health conference, the gathering reflected how Israeli civil society is adapting in real time to the pressures of war. Speakers addressed challenges that organizers said previous generations rarely faced, seeking practical ways to help couples build resilient relationships under extraordinary circumstances.
Marriage under fire
“Complexity that previous generations never imagined” has become the defining reality for many Israeli families, Dr. Naomi Marmon Grumet, founder and executive director of the Eden Center, told JNS.
A sociologist whose research led to the organization’s founding in 2010, Marmon Grumet said there is a growing need for trained female leaders who can help couples navigate an era shaped by war, displacement and emotional strain.
“This conference is the very definition of The Eden Center’s core mission: to strengthen relationships, to break silences by increasing open discussion around intimacy, and to support women’s physical, emotional, and spiritual health throughout the lifecycle. We firmly believe that when you support a woman, you support the entire family. And that is at the heart of Jewish continuity,” she said.
Throughout the conference, speakers emphasized that the emotional impact of the war extends well beyond the battlefield and into homes, relationships and family life.
The human dimension behind the statistics emerged during a panel discussion on marriage during reserve service.
Unterslak, a 26-year-old nurse, spoke candidly about the first years of her marriage to an IDF veteran living with PTSD. She described not recognizing the signs of trauma or understanding the anxiety attacks her husband experienced. Receiving the diagnosis, she said, ultimately came as a relief because it finally explained what they had been experiencing.
Through therapy, the couple learned to recognize the emotional wounds beneath the surface and began rebuilding trust together.
Her story resonated with an audience that included women supporting husbands serving repeated reserve duty during Israel’s current war.
Trauma beyond the battlefield
Dr. Jodi Wachpress reminded participants that trauma cannot simply be left behind.
“Don’t erase what came before,” she said. “We carry it with us. The body stores memory.”
Mental health professionals repeatedly stressed the importance of distinguishing between trauma and post-traumatic stress disorder, warning against assuming that every difficult emotional response constitutes PTSD.
Addressing the changing emotional landscape of dating and marriage in Israel, Aliza Gillman presented research showing sharp increases in psychological distress since the war began. According to figures she shared, reported PTSD symptoms rose from 16.2% to 29.8%, anxiety increased from 24.9% to 42.7%, and depression climbed from 31.3% to 44.8%.
“Trauma and PTSD are not the same,” Gillman said. “Understanding the distinction is essential.”
Rather than viewing trauma solely as injury, speakers emphasized that healing can become a source of personal, marital and family growth when appropriate support is available. They explained that prolonged war keeps the nervous system in survival mode, making emotional regulation, communication and healthy relationships significantly more difficult.
‘The lioness holds up the family’
Roni Loeb Richter, a clinical social worker, said the country’s emotional baseline has fundamentally changed.
“We are all in trauma,” she said. “We’re all in the same pond, with a baseline that’s not fine.”
IDF Rabbi Binyamin Zimmerman reflected on the burden carried by reservists’ wives and mothers throughout the war.
“During war, the lioness holds up the family,” he said. “She is a hero.”
“War requires a survival nervous system overwhelm,” he added, noting that every soldier also needs “a place to come home to.”
The conference also featured halachic sessions led by Rabbi Assaf Bednarsh, TED-style presentations and roundtable discussions designed to equip teachers and community leaders with practical tools for supporting couples facing unprecedented challenges.
A recurring message throughout the day was that resilience is not the absence of hardship but the ability to move through hardship together. Speakers encouraged participants to create space for trust, acknowledge grief while fostering hope, and replace criticism with compassion as families continue navigating the uncertainties of wartime Israel.
Building stronger foundations
Closing the conference, Marmon Grumet urged participants to take what they had learned back to their communities.
“These are heavy, complex, and intimate topics—not extras, but the reality of what people are dealing with,” she said, challenging attendees to share two lessons they had learned with two other people.
After the conference, she told JNS that the demands on educators have changed dramatically since Oct. 7, 2023.
“Jewish continuity is not only about whether people get married,” she said. “Bridal teachers and educators are often the first to address questions that no one else has answered, at one of the most vulnerable and formative moments of life. They hold anxiety, confusion, trauma, hope, family pressure, body image, sexual questions, religious aspiration, and sometimes deep pain.
“Since Oct. 7, the reality has changed. We know that couples are entering marriage in a world shaped by trauma, by pornography, by PTSD and other effects of three years of war, and we have to have tools to respond in ways that are sensitive and meaningful.”
As Israel enters another year marked by reserve duty, loss and ongoing security challenges, participants agreed that while the pressures on marriages and families are immense, they are not insurmountable.
With professional guidance, community support and open conversations about trauma and resilience, they said, Israeli couples can build stronger foundations even amid extraordinary circumstances.
