Sen. Chris Van Hollen of Maryland recently wrote an op-ed in The New York Times urging Democrats to abandon what he called their “reflexive and unconditional support” for Israel. The irony is hard to miss.
At the very moment the senator was lamenting America’s supposed unwillingness to pressure Israel, U.S. President Donald Trump was publicly treating Israel less like an ally than a dependent client state—telling Jerusalem to jump while Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu was left asking, “How high?”
Van Hollen’s argument rests on a fantasy that has animated generations of foreign-policy elites: that the only obstacle to peace is insufficient American pressure on Israel. It ignores a century-long history of Palestinian rejectionism, the repeated refusal of Palestinian leaders to accept a state alongside a Jewish state, the openly eliminationist ideology of Hamas and the PLO, and the simple political reality that neither Israelis nor Palestinians currently support the two-state formula Van Hollen imagines can be imposed from Washington.
He also conveniently ignores the practical implications of his prescriptions. A Palestinian state on the terms demanded by activists and European diplomats would require uprooting tens of thousands of Jews from their homes, turning over strategic territory to unreliable security forces, and gambling Israel’s survival on promises already broken countless times before.
But perhaps the congressman should simply say openly what many progressives now appear to want from Israel. If Democrats truly believe that Israel must fundamentally transform itself to regain their approval, then let’s stop pretending the demand is merely for “policy changes.” The logical conclusion is far more sweeping.
Israel must erase the blue stripes and the Star of David from its flag to symbolize its surrender.
The menorah should be replaced as the national emblem by a hammer and sickle superimposed over the Dome of the Rock.
Netanyahu must be removed from office by a Democratic Party decree.
All Palestinian prisoners should be released, including Marwan Barghouti, whose five life sentences for terrorism should be expunged so he can be appointed prime minister.
Americans registered as Democrats should be permitted to vote in Israeli elections to ensure Israelis finally choose leaders acceptable to Arabists and progressives.
The United States should terminate military aid to Israel while permitting the Israel Defense Forces to purchase slingshots from American manufacturers so Israel can once again become the “David” of the Middle East.
Surviving Hamas leaders will be awarded the Medal of Freedom for their brave acts of resistance on Oct. 7.
Islam should become the official religion, Arabic the official language, and Jews restored to dhimmi, or second-class, status.
Mount Herzl should be renamed Mount Arafat.
The Law of Return should apply to Palestinians, while Jewish immigration is prohibited as an act of demographic aggression.
A permanent international tribunal should be established to prosecute Israeli soldiers and political leaders for the crime of defending themselves too effectively.
Jews from Judea and Samaria should be deported to Somaliland.
Universities should require land acknowledgments recognizing the Canaanites and Philistines who once inhabited the land and whom Palestinians now claim as their indigenous ancestors, before archeology, history and genetics complicated the narrative.
Require that all signature lines in emails from Israeli officials include the sender’s preferred pronouns.
Require that all citizens wear a keffiyeh.
Replace the national anthem of “Hatikvah” with “Fida’I” (“The Warrior” or “Sacrificer”).
Yad Vashem should be converted into a Center for Comparative Colonial Narratives, complete with context warnings explaining that Jewish suffering must never be allowed to justify Jewish sovereignty.
The Western Wall plaza should become a “decolonized dialogue space” jointly administered by the U.N. Human Rights Council and student activists from Columbia University.
Require all Israeli schoolchildren to study the works of the late Columbia University professor and writer Edward Said.
Rename Ben-Gurion International Airport “Mahmoud Abbas International Gateway for Returnees.”
Make “Nakba Day” a national holiday.
Require every Israeli military operation to receive advance approval from the editorial board of The New York Times.
Mandatory military service should be replaced by compulsory volunteer work for NGOs filing war-crimes complaints against Israel.
Ban the use of the word “terrorist” as culturally insensitive.
Iron Dome should be defunded because protecting civilians only perpetuates the cycle of violence by making Israelis feel too secure.
Transfer responsibility for Israeli border security to the United Nations, whose peacekeepers have an unparalleled record of vigilance and effectiveness.
Require all Israeli diplomats to begin their speeches with an apology for inconveniencing the international community by surviving.
Require all Israeli building permits in Jerusalem to be approved by UNESCO.
Replace Mossad agents with members of Students for Justice in Palestine.
Require Israeli startups to dedicate 20% of their profits to housing projects for Gazans.
Offer reparations to anyone emotionally harmed by hearing Hebrew or seeing a Chassid.
Appoint Swedish activist Greta Thunberg as a special envoy for Middle East security negotiations.
Replace the phrase “Never Again” with “Never Again Unless Approved by Human Rights Watch.”
Require Israeli athletes competing internationally to participate under a neutral flag until final-status issues are resolved.
Replace the police force with conflict-resolution facilitators trained at Harvard University.
Require the Israeli Navy to escort flotillas bringing rocket parts and cigarettes to Hamas.
Replace Birthright Israel with “Birthright Palestine.”
Declare Zionism a form of carbon-intensive nationalism inconsistent with global climate goals.
Require all maps in Israeli schools to include trigger warnings before displaying Jerusalem as Israel’s capital.
Require all Israeli apartment buildings to reserve one room for returning Palestinian refugees and one for foreign journalists.
Replace the phrase “the only democracy in the Middle East” with “a developing participatory entity undergoing decolonization.”
Replace the Lion of Judah with the Lamb of Bethlehem to symbolize the new national doctrine of passivity, submission and acceptance of being slaughtered by one’s neighbors.
Establish a Truth and Reconciliation Commission to investigate the trauma inflicted on Hamas by the blockade.
Rename the Jerusalem light rail the “Apartheid Transit Corridor.”
Require that Israeli Eurovision Song Contest entries be pre-approved by Amnesty International.
Require Israelis to publicly acknowledge their privilege before renewing their passports.
Replace the chief rabbinate with imams from the Muslim Brotherhood.
Create a Thomas L. Friedman Prize for the journalist who writes the most columns criticizing the Israeli government.
And finally, Israel should replace its national bird, the hoopoe, with the ostrich—symbolizing the foreign-policy doctrine demanded of the Jewish state: Bury your head in the sand and hope the people threatening to destroy you eventually lose interest.
