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Torah and temptation

This is what we read in shul on Yom Kippur?

Illustrative photo of a Jewish wedding canopy in front of the Mediterranean Sea, Jan. 11, 2018. Photo by Mendy Hechtman/Flash90.
Illustrative photo of a Jewish wedding canopy in front of the Mediterranean Sea, Jan. 11, 2018. Photo by Mendy Hechtman/Flash90.
Rabbi Yossy Goldman
Rabbi Yossy Goldman
Rabbi Yossy Goldman is Life Rabbi Emeritus of Sydenham Shul in Johannesburg and president of the South African Rabbinical Association. He is the author of From Where I Stand, on the weekly Torah readings, available from Ktav.com and Amazon.

Every Yom Kippur in shul, at least one person asks me the obvious question. Why, at Minchah, the afternoon service, on the holiest day of the year, do we read about the most unholy of behaviors? The reading is from Leviticus 18, and there’s a whole listing of the incestuous and extramarital relationships forbidden by the Torah.  You might call it the Bible’s immorality code. But why read this, of all things, on Yom Kippur, at our most sacred and hallowed time?

Long ago, the rabbis confronted this question and answered rather bluntly and unapologetically that it is in the sexual arena where human beings find their most difficult challenges. This is where we often face the most formidable tests to our religious observance, principles and value system. It is the acid test of our faithfulness to our beliefs.

We are all human and, therefore, susceptible. We are all prone to our hormones getting the better of us and our hearts conquering our brains. Rationally, we know it is not right, but emotionally, we throw caution to the wind and sadly, lives are often ruined in the process.

“There are no trustworthy guardians when it comes to forbidden relationships,” teaches the Talmud in Chulin 11b. According to the Jerusalem Talmud, Ketubot 1:8, “Even the most pious of the pious should not be appointed as a custodian over forbidden women.” Rightly do we pray every morning: “Do not bring us into the grip of error, sin, temptation or shame.”

The Talmud also shares quite a few stories of some of the most famous sages, including people like Rabbi Meir and Rabbi Akiva, who were subjected to serious temptations of this nature and barely survived their own moral challenges. If these giants of the spirit were vulnerable and susceptible to sin, who are we to expect ourselves to be invincible?

That’s precisely why we have the Torah. God gave us a value system to teach us which of our perfectly human urges are kosher and which are treif. Which of our numerous human appetites may be satisfied and which should be rejected.

And that’s what makes life so interesting. If we never had any inner conflicts, no moral tensions, if all our natural desires were always impeccably moral, then living a moral life would be no big achievement. We would be like programmed angels who have no evil inclination, no yetzer hara, and no temptations whatsoever.

I am reminded of the fellow who boasted that he had conquered all his vices except for one. “Which one?” he was asked.

His reply? Temptation.”

There are evolutionary psychologists who argue that man is, by his very nature, unfaithful, and that being loyal and committed to one marriage partner in a monogamous relationship is unnatural. But if that were the case, then we’d all be fighting a losing battle. We may as well throw in the towel. Give up! There would be no point to religion, to the Torah, and to our ancient and eternal Jewish way of life.

So what is the truth?

The truth is that we all have inclinations. But inclinations are not compulsions. We are not born good or evil. We are born with the freedom of choice, and we can always choose to do good or bad. That choice is ours and ours alone. And we always have the power to choose to overcome our bad inclinations and resist the temptation of the moment. That’s what freedom of choice means. If we didn’t have the power to resist, then how could G-d hold us accountable in the World to Come, where we will all be held accountable for how we lived our lives?

We often face temptations, and while we have the inclination to surrender to them, we also have a conscience, a neshama, a spiritual power, a Godly soul that can give us the strength to overcome that inclination. If we simply succumb to our urges and fail to use our inner strength and resources to resist, then we will indeed be held accountable. Because we could have resisted if we were not weak or lazy or just couldn’t be bothered to act differently.

That’s why we have something called the laws of yichud, a set of regulations designed as precautionary measures to prevent us from getting into any morally compromised position in the first place. Basically, the laws say that a man and woman are forbidden to be alone in any private, secluded setting. If they are meeting in a private space, there must be other people around, or they should meet in a public space where nothing untoward is likely to occur.

These laws are so important and beneficial because if we can’t get to first base, then we will stay safe. Would you believe that there are some very pious rabbis who will not ride in an elevator if there’s only one woman in there with them?

And that’s why at a wedding, following the chuppah, we have a period of yichud at the end of the ceremony when the bride and groom are deliberately left alone, behind closed doors, for a significant amount of time. This demonstrates that they are now man and wife, and that they may be alone and intimate.

However, if the man and woman are not married to each other, they should not be alone together.

I don’t believe the Torah is being overly strict here. I think it is protecting us in a way that can be lifesaving. Do we really want to ruin our whole family’s life for a few minutes of pleasure? Is that not crazy? Mishuguh? We build a life with a wife, a husband, and children—and then we throw it all away for a 10-minute fling? For a one-night stand? For a fleeting affair with no love and no loyalty? I ask you, is this normal or logical? Are we behaving like mature adults, making rational decisions that will affect our entire lives?

Hopefully, with hard work, faithfulness, prayer and a little help from Above, we will keep the faith and always maintain our moral integrity. 

But it is important to remember that, at all times, we do have the power to choose freely and overcome temptation.

So, Yom Kippur is a very appropriate time to read the laws of forbidden relationships, after all. If we want atonement and we want to stay out of trouble, be holy, and avoid having our whole world come crashing down on us and ruin our family life and our reputation for a few minutes of pleasure, then we should listen very carefully to these words at Minchah this Yom Kippur. The shuls are not usually full at that hour. Maybe they should be. 

I wish you well over the fast, have a blessed New Year.

The opinions and facts presented in this article are those of the author, and neither JNS nor its partners assume any responsibility for them.
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